A Stoner’s Trip

DISCLAIMER:  This is fictional story.  It is an instalment of a series of fictional stories involving drug use as a central plot theme.  Reader discretion is advised.  The provision of this story over the Internet, or through any other means of communication, is not to be interpreted as a suggestion or recommendation to use drugs.  The reader assumes any and all responsibilities derived from his or her actions.

2008 05 16, Further Thoughts on Paranoia, by George Bookman (.txt)

It has been eleven days since I experienced paranoia for the first time.  I haven’t given it much thought since last telling you of my experience, but since I’m going to be hanging out with Boris and some other friends tonight, it plopped into my mind today.

Looking back, I can’t help but to look at the experience as exciting, in the same way horror movies are supposed to be exciting.

No, there were no monsters in my trip.

No, I didn’t hallucinate.

No, I didn’t see things that weren’t there.

It’s not horror movie-esque in that sense.  Not at all.

Rather, horror movies are supposed to instil a sense of fear in their viewers.  Eleven days ago, I experienced this sense of fear, or rather, paranoia.  And although this distressed me at the time (the same way I was distressed the first time I rode a roller-coaster), looking back it’s not so bad.  I survived the roller-coaster, and lived to ride another day.

There’s a possibility, although certainly no guarantee, that I will consume THC tonight.  And, if I do, there is the possibility that I will experience the paranoia again.  Not a guarantee, but a possibility.

Should I fear this?

I don’t fear roller-coasters.

Nor do I fear horror movies.  When I go to them, I go with the intention of becoming afraid.  If anything, I’m usually disappointed.  I’m usually not frightened at all.  Once in a while, I do jump during a movie.

Eleven days ago, I jumped.  I experienced the thrill of my first thriller, the excitement of my first roller-coaster.

If I experience the paranoia again, I doubt it will be the same.  I doubt it will entail the same hidden thrill of my first paranoia trip, the thrill I only now fully comprehend.  Although I have no intention of seeking out paranoia, if I do experience it again, I will try to at least enjoy in some metaphysical manner, as I do with films of the horror genre.  And like last time, I will be conscientious not to make rash decisions.

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