The Story of Ted Alexander S. Peak Ted Said He would have jumpèd From off the shed Had I not bought him a nice, new bed. Had he plummeted From off the shed, He would have bled And died from trauma to the head. But instead I bought him his new bed, And so Ted Decided to wed His sweetheart Mildred. The two chose to honeymoon in Birkenhead. (Why Birkenhead? Well, that goes unsaid.) While there, a mugger caused them much dread; The mugger fled, But was caught, as he was a bonehead. Soon after Mildred was impregnated, And I was glad I had bought for Ted His nice, new bed. They had a son and named him Fred. I feared that Fred Would be underfed, So I killed Ted and Mildred With poisoned gingerbread. I took Fred to live with a co-ed; She was well-read, And not a bit inbred. Or at least that’s what she said; I was misled. I had to make it up to Fred So I bought him a sled; It was his favourite colour: red. Written 2008 by Alexander S. Peak