Ripped Jeans

Alexander S. Peak

Also available in .txt and .pdf.

23 November 2005

[EDITOR’S NOTE:  This piece contains language that may be
offensive to some audiences.  Reader discretion is advised.]

What is up with all the ripped jeans I’m seeing around campus?  Is this back in style?

I simply don’t think this is fair to me.*  For the past nine years now, I’ve been wanting ripped jeans.  The catch is, I’ve wanted them to rip naturally, of their own accord.  Of course, I’ve done plenty of growing over this time, and have grown out of plenty of jeans.  Why is it not fair?  Because my jeans are too durable.  They don’t rip.  And I rarely trip.

There’s another problem with this new trend.  Seeing ripped jeans on a girl used to be a sign.  It used to signify that she was exceptionally cool.  Clearly, girls have always looked hotter in ripped, grungy jeans than in the stylish jeans most of them have been wearing over these past nine years.  But now that so many are wearing ripped jeans, it’s fucking with my coolness-o-meter.*  How am I to tell which girls are wearing these ripped jeans because said jeans are intrinsically cool, and which are just wearing them for the popularity?

Well, now that I’m not growing, or at least not at a perceivable rate, perhaps I can hold on to these lovely “Loose Straight Fit” cut Levi jeans long enough to get some holes in them.  Let’s cross our dirty little fingers and hope.

Notes

*   I must note now, before it be late, that this piece is not to be taken too seriously.