The Story of Ted

Alexander S. Peak

Also available in .txt and .pdf.

Ted

Said

He would have jumpèd

From off the shed

Had I not bought him a nice, new bed.

Had he plummeted

From off the shed,

He would have bled

And died from trauma to the head.

But instead

I bought him his new bed,

And so Ted

Decided to wed

His sweetheart Mildred.

The two chose to honeymoon in Birkenhead.

(Why Birkenhead?  Well, that goes unsaid.)

While there, a mugger caused them much dread;

The mugger fled,

But was caught, as he was a bonehead.

Soon after Mildred was impregnated,

And I was glad I had bought for Ted

His nice, new bed.

They had a son and named him Fred.

I feared that Fred

Would be underfed,

So I killed Ted and Mildred

With poisoned gingerbread.

I took Fred to live with a co-ed;

She was well-read,

And not a bit inbred.

Or at least thatís what she said;

I was misled.

I had to make it up to Fred

So I bought him a sled;

It was his favourite colour: red.

Written 2008 by Alexander S. Peak